As every bride walks down the aisle on her wedding day, she never imagines any moment of her life being anything except “happily ever after.” My husband tends to be more of the realist in the family, so I’m sure he assumed we’d have our fair share of not-so-happy moments here and there. However, I’m the Pollyanna of the relationship. I see everything through rose colored glasses, which is why it hit me from left field when I first experienced days that were hard in my marriage.
I should have known better. My parents divorced when I was only four years old. My grandparents would engage in screaming matches most nights when I stayed with them. My dad and step-mom had a very dysfunctional marriage, which has since ended in divorce. I’d seen the not-so-pretty side of marriage. Yet, that didn’t deter me from believing my marriage would be different.
For the most part my marriage is very different. My husband and I love the Lord and are totally committed to making our marriage last until “death do us part.” However, most Christians could say this of their marriages. The truth of the matter is that marriage is hard work! It’s two sinners who have come together — and have become a vehicle through which the Lord uses to refine the other.
Yep. God uses your marriage to refine you. Then on the flip side, we have a very real enemy who would love nothing better than to tear your marriage apart. So, yes, it’s easy to lose that “lovin’ feeling” in the midst of married life.
The battle is real. Those “in love” feelings that we see in every romantic comedy should never be our goal for our marriage. Real love is a choice. Real love is a commitment.
This is probably when I should mention that Steve and I will be celebrating our 20th year of marriage this September. We have had our fair share of struggles in our marriage. The first half of our marriage felt like we had more valleys than peaks.
Yet, we persevered and have seen the amazing fruit that the Lord brought about through those hard years.
The real change came when I realize the heart of the battle for me was…ME! I had to change my mindset.
4 Practical Tips to Strengthen Your Marriage When You've Lost That Loving Feeling!
So, here are a few tips that helped me to refocus when I was feeling less than “loving” in my relationship. I address these as a wife. But, husbands, I know they will help you, too.
Click over to For the Family to read the 4 tips to help strengthen your marriage when you're not “feeling it.”