Finding Balance When Life Throws You a Curve Ball
A Few Things I Learned During a Hard Season in Life!
There is nothing easy about losing a loved one–expected or unexpected. It's like getting sucker punched in the gut. In the first few days following the loss of my father-in-law, I remember thinking that there had to be an end to the amount of tears that my body could produce–but there didn't seem to be.
My “dad”-in-law was an incredible man. He was healthy and strong, so his heart attack hit us from left field. He actually came out of surgery just fine, which I think was what hit us the hardest. We were waiting to see him post-op, but something went terribly wrong. It was like being in a bad dream that you know you'll never wake up from.
Many of you knew about this part of my family's hard time, and we've appreciated all your prayers and support–but there was more going on at the same time that I didn't share.
What I Haven't Shared…
You see, I had found a lump in my breast a few weeks before all this happened and been praying it would just go away or that I was imagining it. But it didn't, and I wasn't. After seeing a doctor and getting a mammogram and ultrasound, it was confirmed that I did have “something” there and it was not totally normal. I had to have it biopsied and wait for the results. It ended up being benign, but the waiting was so hard as the “c” word lingered in the back of my mind.
It almost felt like everyday brought more news of more crazy things. You may not know but my summer got started off with an emergency trip to Spain to be with my mom, who ended up in the hospital while vacationing. A few days after my father-in-law passed away, someone on my side of the family had a mild stroke. Some dear friends of ours were given a not-so-fun diagnosis. Oh, and bonus, a doctor found a lump on my thyroid, too. I'm told it's probably nothing, but I had to have that spot biopsied as well. As I type this I'm waiting for my biopsy reports to come back. They expect it's nothing, but I'm tired of the roller coaster of emotions. It just has seemed like I've had a lot on my emotional plate lately.
So, what do you do when life just seems to keep throwing curve balls at you?
It's really hard to find balance when everything seems to be going crazy in your life. I don't know your story, but I'm sure you can relate to times in your life that were high stress. Here's a few things I found helpful as we chugged along and tried to get back into our “normal” routines…like starting our homeschool year.
1) SLOW DOWN!
I dropped off the internet for a while, mind you being online is part of my business. It really didn't matter to me. We needed as much off our plate as we could possibly get off. I cancelled appointments and most plans we had. We were even supposed to host our church's Life Group. Everyone was very understanding and someone else stepped up to host. I wanted to be available for my family at any moment. There were so many little things to take care of. I was so grateful we didn't have any commitments those first few weeks. I knew we needed a chance to catch our breath.
2) FOCUS ON YOUR PRIORITIES!
It's really easy to let your priorities slip when there is a lot of stress. Yet, at the same time, our priorities seem so much more important to keep while we are grieving. We have been very intentional about having our own quiet times and have been doing a ton of praying together and Bible studies as a family. We know we need the Lord to give us strength and to heal our hearts. I also knew I needed Him to steady my nerves as I dealt with my own health scare. My focus was on caring for my husband and kids…and my mom-in-law. We have been so aware of the impact that Grandad had in the lives of our kids, but also in my nephews' and nieces's lives and so many other family members. So, we've put extra effort into reaching out to them as well.
3) INVEST IN REST!
Grieving and stress are exhausting. It's so important to make time for sleep and rest. I actually took a long, hot bath with some epsom salts and oils. Okay, I also made some cookie dough. 🙂 I even made time to read a fiction book, which is really rare for me. I just knew I need to find things to do that promoted rest–hindsight, I should have “invested” in a massage. Honestly, I was afraid I'd just lay there sobbing. I may have to circle back to this idea now that it's a little easier to hold it together (at least most of the time).
Shared from Instagram @KristiClover
4) TRUST AND HOPE!
As I already mentioned, leaning on Jesus is so important when life is hard. But beyond that, we need to trust Him–even when things seem unfair. I don't understand why my father-in-law's life was not spared, but I do know that my God is worthy of my trust. Sometimes that all we have–trust and hope. (See Jeremiah 17:7-8 below) I have hope that I'll see him again. God was not surprised by this day. He knew the number of days my “dad” had, just like he knew the number of hairs he still had left on his sweet, fuzzy head.
Giving Myself Grace…
I tell you, I am really grateful that I have so many systems in place that have helped my family and our homeschool keep going these last several weeks. But laundry piled up and didn't get folded as quickly. My normal meal planning went out the door. We ate out A LOT, which is not normal for my frugal family. Our church did set up meals for us for several nights, which was such a blessing. While I'm confessing, I'm not sure if my kids ate any vegetables for weeks. But you know what? I'm giving myself grace. I'm doing what I can do and giving grace to my family since I know all of us are hurting right now.
[Tweet “Sometimes giving yourself grace is the best thing to do to find balance.”]
Moving Forward…
Every birthday, holiday, wedding, and graduation will be missing our family's patriarch going forward. These past several weeks have been so hard, but we are seeing the incredible impact my father-in-law had on so many lives. He truly loved the Lord, which was evident in the love that he had for all his family and friends. He has left us with so many wonderful (and some really funny) memories. He left a wonderful legacy. He will be missed until we get to see Him again in Heaven. Our hope is in Jesus. Our strength comes from Jesus. Our eternity will be with Jesus.
You will be greatly missed, Dad!
Final Thoughts…
God has been teaching me so much. I hope this post encourages to throw your roots deep to experience His sustaining Living Water!
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Wow Kristi we’ll be keeping you in prayer! I had a breast lump scare this spring that was very emotionally and physically taxing on all of us but was not combined with the loss of a loved one, cannot imagine! May you find strength in the prayers of the Body of Christ lifting you up to Him in prayer. Thank you for letting us know how we can pray for you!
Thanks so much! I really appreciate the prayers. Yes, very taxing. 🙂 But God has been sustaining us!
I lost my niece to brain cancer 4 years ago. She was 3 years old. It was so hard that first year, it hurt to breathe at times. And my sister, already grieving over her daughter, suffered further when her husband left her. Even though the darkest of times, my sister continued to spend hours in the Bible every day. And now we’re able to look back and see how God was right there through it all. My sister remarried in May, and now she’s expecting her first child with her new husband. Hold onto Him. He’ll see you through.
Wow, what a situation. I’m so happy for how the Lord worked in your sister’s life. I’ve loved seeing how God has been working things together. It’s still really hard and there are days when my emotions are really raw, but through it all God is good!
Hi Kristi,
A few years back, I was also in the same boat. I totally understand. I will be praying for you and your family. May the Lord give you peace that passeth all understanding, and grace to overcome all these struggles from above.
Be strong and courageous, and know that when you put your trust in the Lord, He will never put you to shame.
Mat the Word of God strengthen you.
God bless.
God has been so good through all of this. He has totally been sustaining me.
Dearest Mrs. Kristi,
I was so sorry to hear of the wearisome journey you and your family are facing at this time. We are all on a journey of faith and at times we face different circumstances the surface completely unexpectedly, but despite what we may face we have Jesus’s promise “I will never leave you, nor forsake you”. Please know that in all that you and your family are going through that Jesus is with each and every one of you. Just as He was with the disciples in the boat when the waves were tossing the ship….He too is with you in your ship. Please rest in the fact knowing that He is the Master over the storm and all it takes is one word from Him “Peace be still”. Most times instead of calming our storm, He chooses to calm us instead.
I will be praying for you and your family. I would like to recommend some products to you (if you don’t mind).My mother had breast cancer and although she has gone home to be with the Lord, what my family and I have learned during our journey has really been a blessing from the Lord. We were blessed to discover a product called “Barley Green” now known as “Barley Max”. It is sold by “Hallelujah Acres”….the product is pretty pricey, but it does its job well. It’s just fresh barley grass that is turned into powder. There is also another product out there called “Serrapeptase” it has been proven to have great health benefits which includes shrinking cysts. Of course without the Lord’s intervention these items are just products (some trust in chariots, some in horses but we will remember the name of the Lord)………..I’m praying that should you choose to try any of these the the Lord will use them to help you. The Lord bless you and your family.
In Christ,
Lydia
Thanks so much! I’ll have to look into that. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story and some solutions! We’ve been in a chaotic state recently and this encouraged me to make time for Bible and some school today.
I’m so glad that you were encouraged. 🙂 Yes, time in the Word helps with most things!
I went through a similar situation in life years ago, but I was not homeschooling. Had 3 members of my family that got cancer all within the same year, including my husband. I learned to rely on God’s strength and not my own. There would’ve been no way I could have handled it if I had not been a believer in Christ. Trusting in God is what got me through.
I’m glad to hear you are okay. My prayers go out to your family for your loss. Thank you for your blog.
Thanks so much for your prayers! We really appreciate them!!
Christy, I’m so sorry you had to go through for all of these, losing your FIL and then having those health scare, plus your mom being sick overseas . Sure it wasn’t easy, adding to all of that homeschooling through it all . But you showed us all what happens when you don’t let go of God ‘s hand, even though it hurts and you were scared ,He gives you the strength and all what it takes to overcome and come out of this stronger! May God continue blessing you !
Thanks so much!! I really appreciate your sweet comment. 🙂 God has been so good, even through all these hard times.